What Are You Pretending Not to Know?

There's a question that's been haunting me lately, one that makes most people squirm when they hear it: What are you pretending not to know?

I first heard this from a business coach years ago, and honestly, I wanted to throw something at him. Because the truth? I was pretending not to know a lot of things. I was pretending not to know that my pricing was too low. That I was avoiding hard conversations with underperforming team members. That the way I was running my business was burning me out, and no amount of "hustling harder" was going to fix it.

The uncomfortable reality is that we all do this. We see the warning signs, feel the tension, notice the patterns—and then we look the other way. We tell ourselves stories: "It's not that bad yet," "I'll deal with it next quarter," "Maybe it'll just work itself out."

But here's what I've learned: The things we pretend not to know are often the exact things holding us back from the growth we desperately want.

Why We Pretend Not to Know

Before we get into how to stop pretending, let's talk about why we do it in the first place. Understanding this makes it easier to be honest with ourselves.

Fear of change. Acknowledging a truth means you might have to do something about it. And change is scary, even when staying the same is painful.

Sunk cost fallacy. You've already invested time, money, or energy into something. Admitting it's not working feels like admitting you wasted those resources.

Identity protection. Sometimes the truth challenges who we think we are. "I'm a great leader" becomes harder to maintain when you acknowledge you've been avoiding crucial feedback.

Overwhelm. You already have too much on your plate. Adding one more problem—even if you've known about it for months—feels impossible.

The Cost of Pretending

Here's the thing about truths we ignore: they don't go away. They compound.

That cash flow issue you're pretending is "seasonal"? It's slowly draining your business and stealing your peace of mind.

That key employee who's checked out? They're probably already looking for another job, and when they leave, it'll cost you far more than having that conversation would have.

That pricing structure that hasn't changed in five years? It's the reason you're working 60-hour weeks and still not taking home what you deserve.

Pretending not to know doesn't protect you—it just delays the inevitable reckoning and makes it more expensive when it finally arrives.

How to Stop Pretending: A Framework

Ready to get brutally honest with yourself? Here's how to identify what you're pretending not to know and actually do something about it.

Step 1: Ask Better Questions

Set aside 30 minutes with no distractions. Grab a notebook and answer these questions with raw honesty:

• What problem keeps showing up in my business that I keep calling "bad luck" or "timing"?
• What conversation am I avoiding right now?
• If my business coach could see everything I do, what would they immediately call out?
• What would I tell my best friend to do if they were in my exact situation?
• What do I complain about most often—but never actually try to fix?

Write whatever comes up. Don't edit yourself. The first answer is usually the truest one.

Step 2: Acknowledge the Cost

For each truth you've been avoiding, write down what it's actually costing you. Be specific:

• Not raising prices: "I'm working 50+ hours a week and taking home $20K less per year than I need to live comfortably."
• Avoiding a team conversation: "This is creating tension that's affecting everyone's productivity, and I'm spending mental energy worrying about it every single day."
• Ignoring cash flow problems: "I'm constantly stressed about money, making decisions out of fear instead of strategy, and one bad month could put me in real trouble."

When you quantify the cost of pretending, suddenly facing the truth becomes less scary than continuing to ignore it.

Step 3: Start Small—But Start

You don't have to fix everything today. Pick one truth you've been avoiding and commit to taking one small action this week:

• Schedule that difficult conversation
• Run the numbers on what proper pricing would actually look like
• Ask for feedback from someone you trust
• Hire the help you've been putting off
• Set a deadline for a decision you've been delaying

The goal isn't perfection—it's momentum. Action creates clarity, and clarity makes the next step easier.

Step 4: Get Outside Perspective

Sometimes we're too close to see clearly. Talk to someone who will tell you the truth:

• A mentor or coach who's been where you are
• A peer who knows your business but isn't emotionally invested
• A spouse or partner who sees the impact your avoidance is having

Tell them: "I think there's something I'm pretending not to know. Will you help me see it?"

Then brace yourself—and listen.

The Liberation of Facing the Truth

Here's what happens when you stop pretending: at first, it feels worse. Acknowledging the truth means feeling the full weight of it, and that's uncomfortable.

But then something shifts.

When I finally admitted my pricing was wrong, I felt sick to my stomach. When I raised my rates, I was terrified I'd lose every client. Instead, I lost two—and gained three who valued what I offered. My income went up by 40%, and I started enjoying my work again instead of resenting it.

When I acknowledged I'd been avoiding a tough conversation with a team member, I felt like a failure as a leader. When I finally had that conversation, it was hard—but it cleared the air and led to either improvement or a mutual parting of ways. Either way, the tension was gone.

The truth doesn't destroy you. Pretending does.

Your Turn

So I'll ask you again: What are you pretending not to know?

You already know the answer. You felt it the moment you read that question.

The only question left is: What are you going to do about it?

P.S. If this post hit home, you're not alone. Every successful business owner I know has faced this moment. The difference between those who grow and those who stay stuck? The growing ones stop pretending. Join my weekly newsletter where I share the uncomfortable truths (and practical solutions) that actually move the needle in your business.